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    August 31

    疑惑与遗失

      又是一天,无聊而没有生气的一天,如行尸走肉般的日子又过了一天,感觉自己已经老了很多,不管是心态还是思想,有种看透一切的感觉,一种无欲无求、活一天算一天的感觉,晚上打开电脑想看书学习却依然无法集中精神……和网友有一句没一句的聊着,真的感觉是没什么意思,比较聊得来的朋友这两天都没有看到….,和一个每天都会打招呼但却总找不到聊天感觉的网友有一句没一句的闲聊着,他是个很不错的人,其实从我情绪开始失落的时候起他就一直陪着我,但是怎么说呢可能是性格的关系,总是找不到那种可以深聊的感觉,但他依然是每天我打开电脑第一个主动和我打招呼的朋友聊了几句后又不知道应该说什么了,在沉默了一阵后他突然对我说“我怎么感觉你QQ交友里的照片和个人空间里的不是一个人呢?”我被问的一头雾水就问他是哪张照片,他发过来给我看的是一年半前的我….他说和现在的我简直判若两人,我说不会呀只不过是头发短了眼镜换了,但他说不是于是我问他哪里不一样,他的回答却让我迷茫了很久很久,他说从我的眼神中看到的是两个不同的人,我找出照片来看了一遍又一遍突然发觉感觉是差了很多,这是我从来都没有注意过的,可是又说不出是什么样的改变….他说从那时的照片里我的眼睛里看到的是一种满足而现在的却是一种颓废……我一遍遍重新看着照片,真的是那样那时我的眼睛里所表现出的是一种满足、一种自信、一种洒脱、一种对任何人都存在的善意与信任,可是现在的我从眼睛里能看到的只是一种无奈、一种失落、一种迷茫、一种对世间万物的不信与防备,两个相比较之下后者就象是被抽走了灵魂的一个玩偶,虽然脸在笑着,嘴在说着,但眼中却始终一无所有,想从现在自己的照片的眼睛中找到些什么,可是却是一无所有的空洞………我所失去的到底是什么?自信、自尊、信任、期待、爱、未来还是我的一切?不知道,找不到答案…….

     

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