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    October 07

      痛是一种什么感觉,呵呵不知道呢已经麻木了,转眼间十一的假期已经过去了,真是一个短暂、无聊、而又让人不开心的一个假期。为了转换心情报名参加了成考,但到了现在依然一点书也看不进去,感觉自己就是去那搅和的,一切的事情都让我提不起劲儿来。本来已经寒到极点的心好象又有了瞬间的温暖,可是就在想用心慢慢享受那瞬间温暖的时候,那一丝丝的温暖又转眼消失无踪了,一切好象变得遥不可及,心情坏坏、态度坏坏、头脑坏坏,不知道自己还能做什么,竟然连痛的感觉好象要慢慢的远离我而去,突然有种想要自虐的感觉,哪怕是痛也想让自己再有一点点的感觉.......用不着再多想,头脑一热便钻进了美容院一下子就给自己的耳朵上打了三个洞,疼...真的是很疼,但那感觉却是那么的真实呵呵,出来后都不知道从小就非常怕针怕血的自己哪来的这勇气呵呵......好象有一个耳洞打得位置不太正,想了想先让它张张看吧,如果张得不好就让它张死了再给自己来一下呵呵......,也许到了那天头脑再一热会在肚子上或是其它的地方也打几个洞哈哈那感觉一定很不错呵呵,或是也可以试试纹身的感觉应该也不会太坏呵呵.....也许有一天可以把自己无法忘记的一些事一些人都刻在身呵呵呵当做一生的教训也罢,当做一种回忆也好,将它永远留在身上,给自己刻上永远也无法抹去的伤痕呵呵.....
      到了现在才真正的明白只有自己的壳里才是最安全的地方,我的世界里不再需要别人,一生如此、一世如此,只要活在自己的世界里,只要自己活在最安全的地方,不再为别人付出,也不需要别为再为我付出,壳才是我厮守一生的家,从此抬起头眼前的这小小的天空便是我全部的世界~~爱可以在孤独中绝望,也可以在绝望中变得坚强,就算走在人群里也觉得好孤寂。可以哭,却还在拼命的挣扎想要说服自己,说什么,却只会让人当做笑话,爱的天国永远都会是这样的遥不可及

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